Kevin is a very committed believer and has shared the connection he feels between his beliefs and his actions. There’s something amazingly simple and powerful in this. And in his video he illustrates it so well with the example, if you really believe that the world is beautiful than you should be doing something about it, like picking up the trash and recycling. So simple and so powerful.

I think I know what Kevin means, if we believe in something it should effect how we act and how we live our lives. A frustration that I have, that Kevin may or may not share with me, is the obvious gap between what I consider the prime-directive left by Jesus to his followers and how his followers seem to live with one another:

“”A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13: 34-35 NIV)

Having moved from Southern California to Central Florida, where there seems to be one church for every city block, and sometime two, I’m not sure that I’ve seen much in the way that would convince me that I’m now living among His followers. Perhaps that’s not very fair. Let’s put it this way, I haven’t seen much of a difference between those who have shared their faith with me and the rest as far as quality of life, compassion, you know “By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” kind of stuff.

Now there’s a possibility that this region, this place is so saturated with religion and basic Christian principles that the guy in the bar and the guy in the pew are both looking for the same things in life and going about it pretty much the same way, except for one guy sleeps in on Sunday morning and the other doesn’t (and don’t assume which one is which). I don’t know. If someone is trying to persuade me that their faith has something to offer, than I have an expectation that I’m going to see a difference in their life that I wouldn’t see in someone who doesn’t share that belief. I think Kevin was talkin’ about more than just trash when he hummed, “If what you learn doesn’t change what you do, then why you learnin’ it?”

Sources:
YouTube: Change is good by Kevin Hayes, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_Jma04y40I retrieved on October 16, 2009.
Bible Quote: John 12:34-35, http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+13%3A34-35&version=NIV retrieved on October 16, 2009

Peteca toma seu banho by elbragon

Then Brother Matt mentioned during his recent Florida visit that my current and persistent lack of a girlfriend was causing mom to openly worry whether I’ve changed my gender preferences. Thanks mom. The truth is I’m beginning to wonder: have I become lazy, too cautious or too picky when it comes to dating?

This is hardly a new phenomenon. I went through a pretty long dry spell after breaking up with a live-in girlfriend in the early 90s. One friend spoke up at the time and said that he and my other friends were worried that I’d given up on having someone in my life. I was just beginning my teaching career and pretty much every waking hour and ounce of emotional energy was being poured into surviving those first few years. I thought I was, for the first time, being smart and acting like an adult. Apparently not. Damn.

past girlfriends by joe bustillos

Another friend, who knew that I’d been very fortunate with the level of attractiveness of my former girlfriends and female friends, said that I needed to expand my preferences beyond curvy playboy playmates. Out of frustration she quipped that at our age all the good ones were already taken anyway.That one left a scar. I mean, if all the good ones are taken and I’m not taken then does this mean that I’m not one of the “good ones?” Shit. That didn’t leave me with a particularly hopeful sense of having a future with someone I found attractive.

So at least one part of moving across the continent over a year ago was to get a new start on social things. And as much as I’d been warned to not have high expectations by two very good friends who have lived in the area (I mean, after all I’ve spent a lifetime spoiled by all the pretty people in Southern California), my dateless-state is not for a lack of attractive women where ever one goes. So, again, am I being lazy, overly cautious or just too picky? Sitting here staring at these words reminds me that the fact that I reflect and try to think through all of this is just not normal for guys, so my well-meaning friends say. Ack.

When I was in the process of moving here one friend suggested a couple websites, like meetup.com, where one could easily meet like-minded individuals centered on common interests. I signed up but never got off my butt. Another avenue to meet new people would have been to join a church. I used to inwardly chuckle when someone suggested that I should check in to see the size of the singles group before getting involved. But I couldn’t see making my choice of church based on some babe-meter. I had other issues about churches, so I never really even considered this as a meaningful option. In fact, being as busy as I’ve been over the past year, getting involved with anything for the purpose of meeting women hasn’t been enough. Put another way, there has to be a value to the thing beyond just meeting women. I am the complete inverse of several of my good buddies who’s main reason for doing anything is to meet women. That’s just not me. Don’t get me wrong, I love meeting new people and I generally find the people I encounter fascinating, but given how busy I am there are scant few hours dedicated to meeting these fascinating people.

One of the take-aways of my last relationship was how much better things seemed to come together for me when I’m in a relationship just in terms of energy and a sense of purpose. It’s not that I need someone for these things as much as having the benefit of someone to share the journey with, just in terms of bouncing ideas off of and getting outside of my own head on a regular ongoing basis. At the same time I do have a very full life with my career and writing and just the stuff that fills each day that I’m not entirely convinced that having as much freedom as I have isn’t much better than the complications of letting another voice into my life. Part of the problem is that I am very good at adapting to living all on my own and convincing myself that I really don’t need anyone. Too lazy, overly cautious or just too picky? I think I need to work the “friends” angle and just get out more to be with other people and find the joy there. No pretenses, no props, no re-inventions, nothing that’s not really a part of my life and passions. I’ll dare to go to the park without the borrowed dog and see what happens. jbb

Jessica at Laguna Lake by TravOC

Sources:
Image: Peteca toma seu banho by elbragon, http://www.flickr.com/photos/elbragon/3183246877/ retrieved on 10/15/2009, Creative commons/attribution license.
Image: Past Girlfriends by Joe Bustillos, http://joebustillos.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/05/mygirls-1.gif retrieved 10/15/2009. Creative Commons/attribution license.
image: Jessica at Laguna Lake by TravOC, http://www.flickr.com/photos/travoc/89394031/ retrieved on 10/15/2009, Creative Commons/attribution license.

image by joe bustillos

In the time that I’ve had my one dating experience most relationships have gone through whole life-cycles from discovery to death. Truth be told, the vast majority of my time with e-harmony I haven’t been actively pursuing anything as much as kept the service in my emotional back-pocket as a “Plan B.” I had a lot of fun the first few months when I was convinced that my former relationship was over and loved the possibility of meeting someone who was specially selected for me. Then that former relationship came back… kind’a. Well, it didn’t quite come back as much as it just took an extended period to expire. In the meantime, some of the air was let out of my e-Harmony expectations to the point where I just kept the subscription so that I could feel like there was a possibility of something for me in the future. Then when that former relationship really expired (for real this time!), it took almost all of my ability to trust myself and relationships with it. At that point I kept the e-Harmony account because I wasn’t ready to kill it too. Lately I’ve been thinking that it’s time to change a few things.

Something a match wrote in her profile reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite movies, American Beauty, when the main character, played by Kevin Spacey, is accused of being a bastard, to which he says, “Nope; I’m just an ordinary guy who has nothing left to lose.” In my case, with 1,251 rejections to my name, I’m clearly doing something wrong and I most definitely have nothing to lose. It should also go without saying that I’m counting on my results turning out way better than how things turned out for Lester Burnham, the American Beauty character by Kevin Spacey.

So, I started to think about putting some effort into opening up the social circle using Meet-Up.com to get out and hang out with folks with similar interests. I’ve also been hearing good things about the Plenty of Fish dating site. But none of that is all that different from what I’ve been doing for ages. So, the “got nothing to lose” twist is that I’m thinking that, given how much I post online, I should include a link to my Facebook profile (or this blog) in my e-harmony profile or whatever website I sign up for.

This definitely isn’t a plan that Dr. Warren from e-Harmony would recommend and there is a definite danger of giving away too much information too quickly, which is a bit like insisting on telling one’s whole life story when someone just asks “how ya doin’?” And there’s the risk that being this open makes it more difficult to walk away from an unwanted match if the match is persistent. Of course, once someone that I meet online knows my name all of this information is just a Google-search away anyway. So, what do I gain from this level of exposure? It counteracts the possibility that someone is going to close a match because nothing popped out at them in my initial profile or in my answers to their five questions. If they click the links they’ll get to know the things that are important enough to me for me to write about (assuming that they’d bother with the links… which is a big assumption).

Another thing that I’m thinking about here is that I’ve always seemed to do best in my relationships that were more based on friendship first, where the level of communication is left as open as possible, where there’s no real fear that saying the wrong thing might chase the other person away. This idea does run a risk that has been a running theme of my relationships with females, of always being seen as the buddy and never as the lover. But I’d much rather do the work needed to be the lover with the foundation of a kick-ass friendship than be someone’s lost weekend with nothing to talk about in between (not that I’m having to turn anyone away… [sigh]). I do have to work on a lot of bad habits, beginning with putting almost no effort into meeting or spending time with new people. I love having a lot of control of how I spend my time, but Life is passing me by while I ponder the words of this blog entry. Onward and upward: “I’m just an ordinary guy with nothing to lose.”

Sources:
image: Emotional Cut-Out by Joe Bustillos, © 2009 · Some Rights Reserved ·

video: American Beauty: Trailer, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q3ltyPJJMQ Retrieved 7/10/2009

image: mouseguy, microsoft clip-art

image by joe bustillos

Note so self: next time leave before 7 AM and don’t wear black. Oh yeah, get a damn water bottle too. Ack.

Music: Saturday in the Park by Chicago from the The Very Best of Chicago: Only the Beginning CD

From the big screen to the small, the ad would have us believe that what was once shared (the big screen), was lost in the next two steps (TV & computers) but wonderfully recaptured in this latest iteration, specifically the N-Series Nokia devices. Um… bullshit.

The one constant across the fabled four screens is the shared nature of the experiences. Whereas the shared nature of the big screen is immediate, what worked for TV, the second screen, was talking about ones favorite TV series or episodes with fellow fans later. The success of the media itself was and is dependent on the number of eyeballs watching and the number of eyeballs watching is dependent, largely on the conversation surrounding the series. Whereas the shared experience is largely immediate with the big screen, it’s no less real for the small screen, just less immediate. The ad says that the experience is “Private.” Perhaps, but if the producers want to be successful it must, by nature, be communal on a massive scale.

So the third screen, the computer screen, bane of all that is good and human in the world; If all of your experiences of this screen is Excel spreadsheets and corporate email, God help you and we’re very sorry for you. But just like the TV experience, what is good and works is what connects us via this particular screen. IM (instant messaging), chat, social networking, webcams, email and gaming are all aspects that can connect us in a way that isn’t possible by any other means. With this third screen the connection is both in real time and “time-shifted.” And gaming, specifically listed in the ad, is successful because it is a shared experience, either in-real-time, or the same conversation had about favorite movies (1st screen) or TV shows (2nd screen). Contrary to popular belief and this ad, what works with gaming in particular and computers in general, is the common experience of the journey, struggle and triumph either as a clan or even as an observer. The storytelling and experience of the first screen, movies, is continued with this third screen in a powerful way that surpasses the passive experience of the first screen. Third screen, gaming and computers, FTW!

So, this fable fourth screen, the savior of all that is connected and good in the world, follows the same pattern: whatever works with the third screen applies to the fourth screen. The lie is that because it’s portable, where one can enjoy media in the presence of ones community then it must be more connected. Again, bullshit. It’s not the portability that makes it more connected, it’s the video conferencing, TM and IM, network gaming, apps that connect to all of the social networking. The portability makes it something that can be experienced away from the desktop or a set location, but it’s the activity, the shared experience, that makes it more connected, not the portability. The imagery that we’re all getting back together and reconnecting because of this fourth screen is largely fictional. We’ve always been connected but the potential and power is much much greater, and now, more portable.

The unspoken truth about gaming and technology is they can take connectedness to the next level, combining the shared experience with interactive participation and freedom from location or time limitations. Except for the fringe anti-social users, who would be anti-social regardless of the technology, the truth is that we are reaching an unprecedented level of meaningful human connection, not due to some portable device but because that is what humans do when the possibility of connectedness is realized. If your experience of technology is dehumanizing and disconnected perhaps you should examine your usage and not blame the technology but your own inability to look someone in the face and say, “Hi.” jbb

*Original source: http://www.speedofcreativity.org/2008/07/25/will-the-4th-screen-bring-us-together/

I have these two wonderful friends, Dan and Terri, who are always looking out for my happiness. They’re a young happily married couple, any two of which is an oddity these days and whenever we go out they’re always looking for a woman for me. It’s very endearing to me. So, several weeks ago, knowing that there was no talking them out of their self-appointed mission, I decided that the best way to deal with this was just to tell them specifically what I’m looking for. Fortunately we were at one of our favorite spots, Mellow Mushroom, where a young lady works who had caught my eye from the first time I’d gone there last summer. So I told Dan and Terri about the young lady, petite, curvy and bright. I added that it doesn’t have to be her, that I was just giving them an idea of my “preferences.” Good times. A week later, Terri met Dan and I at our other favorite place, Friendly Confines, and Terri made sure that our waitress that evening was up to my specs and when we got there Dan made sure to sell her on the wonderful fun she could have if she went to have sushi with yours truly. To the young lady’s credit she was playful and not overly creeped out. I didn’t have my business cards, so I gave her Dan’s card with my name and cell # and designated Dan as my “agent.” I have no illusions that anything will come of this, but it was fun to have my friends actively make the effort and look for someone based on my preferences. I’m one lucky dude. jbb

music: I Know Why by Sheryl Crow from the Wildflower CD

“Official” (?) NASA version of the launch:

* Camped out @ Astronaut Hall of Fame waiting 4 Endeavor launch. Next time need lawn chairs. Picnic b4 launch http://snipurl.com/5hi61 4:04 PM Nov 14th from Twinkle
* Shuttle video play-by-play on big screen stuttered, then they switched 2 tape. Hope my twittering didn’t tax the network 4:07 PM Nov 14th from Twinkle
* Next time, besides lawn chairs, need backpack full of food & drink, also need to bring my Nintendo DS. Or maybe a book. Nah,definitely my DS 4:14 PM Nov 14th from Twinkle

Here’s my video version of this part of the event:

More official Astronaut Hall of Fame video:

Having earned a masters degree and working toward a doctorate both online, I have more than a little insight into the matter. I’ve heard many say that they could never do online learning because they feel like they lack the self-discipline to get things done without the face-to-face pressure. As someone who is not know for having a well-balanced proactive-get stuff done early work habit, I can say that I have done better with online learning because I’m never not in contact with my classmates and professors. Unlike my ungrad work where the educational experience was largely staring at the back for someone’s head for three-hours every Thursday then forgetting about the class or doing my assignments until the day before the next session, online I found myself working with a small group of friends on a daily basis helping each other get through the process. One would assume that there isn’t any educational experience as lonely as doing it online, but when it’s done right, nothing could be further from the truth. Granted this sense of community isn’t something that happens entirely by accident. What happens is that smart program designers, course developers and students take advantage of the technology and the removal of restraints to have to meet at a certain time in a certain place, and make their educational experience into a “hello” via IM or TM in the morning and an ongoing chat conversation all the way through the day. Because the learning and dialogue is not limited to a certain place or time, it can be made to go on for the entire time one is in the program.

If any school should understand this way of thinking about learning it should be Full Sail. In the face-to-face program classes are held around the clock, covering in four-weeks what other institutions ramble through in 14, limiting students to one or two classes at a time and expecting them to become fully engaged in learning from the very first day. There are no part-time students. It’s intense in the extreme but incredibly effective for the students and efficient as far as facility utilization. You go to Full Sail because you want to quickly learn about filmmaking, music production, entertainment business or media in education from the best and you want to turn that learning into a career in the shortest time possible. It’s the same in the online program. Except that we don’t require that you move to Winter Park, Florida. You can get that same experience from the comfort of your own home, just don’t expect it to be some part-time half-baked at-your-own-pace correspondence course. Ack. jbb

• happy voting day USA twitterverse 10:45 AM Nov 4th from TwitBin
• @sarahlane sounds like a perfect way to spend election day. That’s my girl!!! 12:41 PM Nov 4th from TwitBin in reply to sarahlane: “Know why it’s good to be jobless? I’m going to sit in front of the TV watching crappy election coverage all damn day. DRINKING BEER. NAKED” 12:39 PM November 04, 2008 from web
• watching election results on CNN (sound usually off) & live stream from twitlive.tv election 08 w/ leo laporte, & upgrading mbp HD 8:52 PM Nov 4th from TwitBin
• cnn projects obama victory w/ closing of the west coast voting 11:10 PM Nov 4th from TwitBin
• don’t wanna go 2 sleep thinking obama won only 2 wake up like I did in 2000 & 2004 to see the hope stolen from me. Don’t want that… 11:17 PM Nov 4th from TwitBin
• good concession speech, sen. mccain. time for a second beer… 11:38 PM Nov 4th from TwitBin
• @drkiki we resemble that remark.”all the nuts roll south,” but even we can seize the moment to act beyond everyone’s expectations. Cheers! 12:23 AM Nov 5th from web in reply to drkiki: It had to be a great campaign to make Florida go blue.12:05 AM November 05, 2008 from Election 2008
• This one’s for you, USA (see below), a percentage of u are gonna want something stronger 12:23 AM Nov 5th from Twinkle

(should I be concerned that this is my 2nd beer reference in as many blog entries?)

Cnet’s news.com ran an excellent article titled: 10 election tweets worth remembering. I found #4 and #1 absolutely wonderful:

4. As voting lines reached record lengths around the country, CrunchGear blogger Peter Ha told everyone via Twitter to calm down: If you can wait three+ days to buy a damned iPhone then you can wait (in) line to vote, a**hats.

1. And our official “best election tweet” award goes to Twitter user JHix, who wrote about his voting experience: Officially just played the worst video game ever. You mark people with an “x” and then wait almost forever to find out who won.

• Knocking on doors 4 Obama/get out 2 vote. CFU Student housing nightmare, apt. # don’t march forms. Working w/ apt. staff. Sitting in lobby 11:52 AM Nov 1st from Twinkle
• @fasterkitty true, bad feelings from 2000. 2 bad parties can’t play fair after the election 2 deal w/ real problems vs. dirty tricks 12:04 PM Nov 1st from TwitterFon in reply to fasterkitty
• @therealterry I can appreciate libertarians representing responsible gov’t/anti-gov’t interference. Doubt umbrella-party will cooperate 12:32 PM Nov 1st from TwitterFon in reply to therealterry

Alas, by 2 pm I was ready for lunch and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening at my local Friendly Confines… mmmm, beer…. thoughts turned decidedly unpolitical. jbb

Love the great big dimples.